Conservative Responses to Climate Change

I decided to start collecting the ridiculous things climate deniers have said about the extinction-level threat of global climate change.

When the climate has been so badly disrupted that not even the deniers can deny it any longer, this will serve as a "Hall of Shame" that the Right has sunk to—all for the "fun" of pissing the libruls off and serving their Fossil Fuel Masters.

Please add your favorites in the Comments!

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What is this "climate change" of which you speak? Don’t be ridiculous.

It would be impossible for mere humans to change the earth’s climate. It says so in the Bible.

It’s cold outside. How can the earth possibly be warming?

The climate isn’t changing. Anything you see is just normal fluctuations.

Earth is actually getting cooler, not warmer.

If global warming did exist, it would be a good thing.

Climate change is a hoax perpetrated by evil scientists because they want more research grants.

Climate change is a hoax perpetrated by evil liberals because they want to take away our SUVs.

Climate change is a hoax perpetrated by the evil Chinese to make U.S. industry uncompetitive.

Global warming stopped a few years ago. Crisis over!

If the climate is changing, humans aren’t responsible.

Scientists are divided over whether climate change is real. It would be foolish to act before they are 100% in agreement.

The climate may be changing, but there’s nothing we can do about it.

If we ignore climate change it will go away. So we need to outlaw any mention of it.

Trying to do anything about climate change would destroy our economy.

If climate change becomes a problem, the free market will find a solution.

The Chinese may appear to be serious about fighting climate change, but that’s just part of the hoax.

Freedom to emit unlimited greenhouse gases is a fundamental American right.

Miami isn’t drowning. Tropical pests and diseases aren’t expanding toward the poles. The polar ice isn’t melting. Wildfires, droughts, and storms aren’t getting worse. Who are you going to believe, us or your lying eyes?

And finally, of course: Climate change is fake news.

Are environmentalists using the wrong strategy about climate change?

You can sympathize with owners of beachfront property for not wanting to face the fact that their homes are doomed, but legislating "head in the sand" policies is just nuts.

This makes me wonder if environmentalists are using the wrong strategy about climate change. Many years ago as a young ad copywriter, I learned the principle that you should never present your product as the solution to a problem that is too horrible to contemplate.

So, for example, filtered cigarettes weren't marketed as a way to prevent lung cancer: the ads talked about preventing those unsightly nicotine stains on your fingers. Or they ignored the issue entirely.

With climate change, we truly have a problem that is too horrible to contemplate. So maybe activists should talk about stopping it so you won't have to worry about getting your shoes damp as you walk on the beach.

It seems it couldn't work any worse than telling us we're all going to die is working.